Hug Your Parents

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Since this is The Long Run, we’re always thinking about the long-term future. Last week, I was having dinner with a friend who brought up an issue that, particularly in the US, no one seems to be talking about: how we treat older people.

Here are some shocking statistics:

• By 2050, the number of people aged 60 years and older will double — reaching over 2 billion globally.

• Age-related discrimination costs the US economy an estimated $63 billion annually in lost productivity (if it were a health condition, it would be the 8th-most expensive one).

A few weeks ago, we talked about why we retire. While I made a case for spending our later years doing work we enjoyed, what I hadn’t considered was how, for many people, it can become more difficult to find meaningful work as they age. Just think of the additional impact on economic productivity alone if 5% more of the 60+ population were still employed.

There’s this silent assumption that older people are frail or dependent and a burden to society. This problem is made worse when we assume older adults, once they reach a certain point, are no longer capable of making independent decisions.

As far as I can tell, locking people away in senior care facilities against their will is particularly pronounced in America compared to other countries. And that’s not only expensive, but it’s also isolating and can’t be good for health.

But elderly care aside, when we alienate different generations, we lose out on the opportunities for value creation that comes from wisdom, knowledge, and a diverse range of experiences.

Why do generational differences exist?

As innovation accelerates, those who understand the latest tech trends stand to benefit the most (at least measured by financial gain or productivity). When we measure a person’s “usefulness” in this way, it creates a perception that older people are less productive or less able to contribute to society.

Separately, there’s a lack of empathy for aging. Since we only age in one direction, we don’t know what it feels like until we’ve experienced it ourselves. When the older guy at the gym tells me to “keep taking care of your body, because you’ll thank yourself in 20 years,” I have no way of knowing what he has actually experienced himself.

When our health, mobility, and cognitive abilities decline, it’s probably really challenging. If we put ourselves in that person’s shoes, how would we want people to treat us? Because even if we have picture-perfect health now, there will come a day when we start to experience aging too. None of us are immune to it (at least not until some crazy technological advancement lets us live to 1,000).

One of the great things about America is the autonomy that it provides. Autonomy is important — it’s the ability to make independent decisions about our own lives. It’s the freedom to choose the path we want to take and make choices that align with our personal values and beliefs.

When we’re stripped of our autonomy, we’re stripped of our individuality.

The assumption that elderly people are no longer capable of making their own decisions is, in many cases, not only wrong, but harmful.

When we perpetuate the idea that old people are dependent and need to be taken care of, we undermine their sense of autonomy and make them feel like they aren’t in control of their own lives.

The way we currently view retirement, as working (useful) and non-working (not useful) years doesn’t help.

Let’s quickly pause to highlight the two biggest factors in every study on happiness: positive relationships and sense of purpose.

Alienation leads to a decline in meaningful relationships (for everyone involved), and a loss of a autonomy leads to a lost sense of purpose.

So what can we do?

Empowering older people to make their own decisions

To start, we can empower old people to make their own decisions. Autonomy is crucial for people of all ages to feel a sense of value and purpose.

Last week, we asked the question, “Whose love do we actually care about?”

When we identify who we care about and whose opinions matter to us, we can stay focused on what’s important and make decisions that align with our values.

For many of us, our parents and grandparents fall into that category of people whose love we actually care about. If we focus solely on output and production at all costs, we tend to lose touch with the element of humanity that comes with living in-line with our values.

And while this may sound like more of an emotional issue, it’s actually a logical one too — by neglecting the decades of wisdom that older people have, we’re wasting a ton of value that isn’t being created.

Promoting intergenerational relationships

Encouraging interactions between different generations can help break down age-related stereotypes and promote mutual respect and understanding.

If you think you have it tough, ask an older person about the world they grew up in. Our lives have gotten objectively better — the problems have just changed.

There’s a lot we could teach each other, and I firmly believe that more intergenerational relationships would be valuable for everyone.

What is being missed without intergenerational relationships?

1. Historical Knowledge

   Older people have lived through decades of historical events and can provide first-hand accounts of their experiences. They’re walking stories of things young people may have only read about in history books. And whether it’s in the economy or society at-large, history repeats itself.

2. Cultural Knowledge
   Older people may have grown up in radically different circumstances or parts of the world; and as a result, they have unique perspectives and cultural knowledge to share. Whether it be traditional customs, languages, or folklore, there’s value in passing these on.

3. Career Knowledge
   Many older people have had long and successful careers. Yes, the workplace is rapidly changing; and yes, jobs will look different in an AI-driven future. But that doesn’t mean that insights from older people about their work experience isn’t valuable. At the end of the day, work is still the act of doing something for some sort of purpose (whether that be money, to help others, creative expression, etc.). The tools and circumstances may change, but the underlying themes do not. We’re all still humans trying to figure it all out.

4. Life Lessons
   Older people have lived longer and have been through thousands of life experiences that young people have probably never imagined. They can share these wisdom and lessons learned.

5. Interpersonal Skills
   Older generations didn’t grow up in a world where technology dominated every waking hour of their lives. In fact, for much of their lives, smartphones didn’t even exist. As a result, most older people have developed stronger interpersonal skills that young people increasingly lack — communication, dealing with conflict, and empathy. Of all five of these categories, I think this is where the most obvious value can be found.

Developing more understanding of one another

Increased understanding of one another leads to a better society. I often find that if we give people respect and actually listen to them, we’re far more similar than we are different. This is true not just across ages, but across party lines, cultures, and beliefs.

Without sounding too idealistic, empathy and compassion can lead to greater social cohesion. The reality is that cooperation would solve (or at least get us on the right track to solving) a lot of the problems we face today — from climate change to violence to geopolitics.

Diversity of thought and perspectives can lead to innovative solutions to large-scale problems, but only if we respect those who are different from us.

Being more intentional

There’s this crazy stat that over 90% of the time we will ever spend with our parents is in the first 18 years of our lives.

Living on the other side of the country, I probably see my parents and grandparents a total of less than 10 days per year now (as opposed to the 300+ days a year I saw them before college).

When we really think about it, we realize that our time left with the people we care about is limited, even if we aren’t old yet ourselves.

This visual by Tim Urban encapsulates this idea. Every box is an experience with our parents throughout our lives, and every one marked off in red happened in the past (he was 28 years old when he made this).

I don’t have a clear takeaway here, as everyone’s circumstances are different. But if we do get the opportunity to see, talk to, or spend time with our older loved ones, maybe we should jump on that opportunity. Every bit of that time is precious, so we should treat it that way.

At an even simpler level, the next time we’re at a local coffee shop or home during the holidays, we should make an effort to chat with the older people around us and put away our phones. Personally, some of the most insightful and fulfilling lessons I’ve learned have come from seemingly random conversations with people of different ages.

One last point, while we’re talking about it — the digital world has made a lot of things better, but it still can’t compare to real life experience.

If there’s anything that older generations know better than younger ones, it’s how to interact with others in the real world. And they have decades of wisdom & stories that we’d be foolish not to learn from.

-Owen

Fresh Finds

Myth-Busting Wellness Hacks: Cold Plunges, Coffee, Alcohol, and Fitness Trackers (Plain English with Derek Thompson)

Podcast | 55 minutes

Recently discovered that Derek Thompson has a podcast, and it does not disappoint. Lately it seems like everyone is taking cold showers, raving about the supplements they take, and tracking every possible biometric that exists. This interview dives deep into the reality of the “science” behind the latest wellness trends.

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